This is to spit in the eye of the power that created us. And worse yet? It is to spit in the eye of the man that walks beside us. As we stand quietly in the shadowy corner of what should be a fully lived life.



IOA Challenge:
Ask at least one person today what gifts you have that you perhaps are not aware of. What talents you have. I dare you! When you get the answer, share it with us on Facebook.

But it is our pain. And it is only when we own the heartbreak, sorrow, disappointment–when we bring the monster home to rest in our own arms–that we can choose to let it go.

IOA Challenge:
Examine your life and see where you are perhaps blaming someone else for how you feel. Look closely and claim the feeling as your own. Then? Let it go! How does that feel? Share your answers with us!

And if we do not? We shall know it. We shall feel the loss. We may not talk about it. We may even justify it. But deep inside, we will know that we have made ourselves smaller for not having tried.

IOA Challenge:
Call to your heart and soul one thing that you would like to do that you have never tried. Share your answers with us!

This whole partnership thing can be so very hard; so darned confusing and painful. And, if we are honest, many of us do it for way too long. We stay and try so very hard. We become heroes in the hardship of “hanging in there” and holding it all together.

What about that person we so loved and believed in? Where did they go, these life-partners we’ve said goodbye to (or should have said good-bye to); the man or woman of our dreams that we married with dewy eyes and committed souls?

I find that my love for the man I married is still very much there. The problems came when he became someone else; he failed to live up to my imaginings of who he was in our “we-ness.” We had a make-believe “dream team” thing going on; the cultural imperative of the ideal marriage in “Leave it to Beaver” land. And I so loved the ME that showed up when I was with him; at least in the beginning.

Then that ME got tangled and mangled as I tried to live up to an idealized vision of marital unity. The “she” of me and the “he” of him both morphed into less-thans as we fell so short of the “us” we thought we were creating.

I kept hammering away because so much time had been invested; and so many things were wrapped in that two-of-us. Mine had become a four-of-us family arrangement with houses and homes, children and schools, pets and pantries, in-laws and holidays, jobs and vacations.

I got disappointed and then I got heart-tired and then I got lazy and then I got scared. So, I quieted that fear with all the doings that “duo living” entails. A lot of discomfort can be quieted by routine and silence — my silence, his silence and the silencing of that inner voice. You know that one that you just keep slamming the door on; the one you ignore and tamp down with family events, television shows and “what’s for dinner?”

I got used to it and I settled. I got lulled and dulled and time kept its march. Then one morning I really looked in the mirror and understood that the relationship I was trying to save was killing me. The reflected “bounce back” of the “me” in this broken “we” was a sad, lost lady with only my name riding her face.

It was time to turn off routine and put aside the “must get dones.” It was time to really look at the dance I had been doing for so long. I took some long, deep breaths as I spent some long, deep time in thoughtful fact-looking.

Then I pulled a suitcase down from the shelf.

IOA Challenge:
Notice your angry or judging thoughts today. Ask yourself this question, “What use are these thoughts to me?” Share your answers with us!
Please post your responses on our Facebook fan page.

On this day I wish you the wonder of seeing yourself clearly. With compassion and joy. With acceptance and delight.

I wish you to know your beauty and your uniqueness. I wish you the courage to claim the ALL of you and begin to share it with yourself and then others.

I wish you the kick-ass delight of living this day with laughter and joy, with some misbehavior and hoots of hilarity!

On this day . . .

IOA Challenge:

Sing to your dog today. Listen carefully and you will hear them singing right back!

Share your pet photo with us! Click here to post a picture of your pet on our Facebook fan page.

Then, I learned after many an “oops” and a plethora of “oh dears,” that life really isn’t an equal-opportunity equation. But, being a rather hard-headed gal, I did not take this lesson to heart and try to work from the new platform; I simply kept looking for that balanced scale and kept bitching when I could not find it. Then I stopped moaning and started appreciating.

There is no tit for tat that others will agree on. We all come at this doing-of-daily-living adventure from our own viewpoint; and thus we are unique and, of necessity, most often pretty self-interested. This puts a new spin on things; and it makes the game a whole heck of a lot more interesting. Think about it.

That balanced scale I was looking for really doesn’t exist outside of my own game plan. I have to decide, measure for measure, what results I want and what results will keep me playing the game. I bring my own value-added or loss-limit to all things tried and untried in my life.

With beaded brow, I will work at a project until my hands are blistered and my knees are bending, if I think it has value or I find joy in it. Another person may look at the same deal and think the entire thing a crashing bore and absolutely useless. I will sing while I massage sore shoulders, while another person snores and looks for a trash receptacle. No equation equality here, right? But such is life.

With the “fairness” factor taken out of things, there is the reach and the stretch to life; and the “what the hell might happen” if I sling my hopes and dreams to the universe. If things are always equal–energy and hope in are aligned to results and delight out–then life would be a foregone and fore-done affair. Where would be the “holy crap!” and the “isn’t this something” part of living that makes it so very, very much fun; and makes it so really, really exciting?

And, with life being this “it ain’t fair” affair, then the downside must always be part of the entire go-round as well. For, without the “eh!” then we cannot experience the “aha’s!” and the “oh, my God’s!”

Hopefully, there will always be those effort-in and more effort-in times when the outcomes are still so very much in the sway. We have made the decision that these are things we believe in, doings we give worth to. So we continue to continue because, thank God, life isn’t fair; and the payoff may be so much more than we ever even glimpsed or dared hope for.

We don’t see this passing or feel this passing as it is happening. It is only in retrospect that we look over our shoulders and see the minutes have become mountains of time-slapped events that we can catalogue and count. A phrase like, “Well, about twenty years ago,” can give us a “tunk” upside the head. “Twenty years ago?” Dear God!

Time is an interesting task master. It heals all wounds. It waits for no man. It is fleeting as it crawls. We mark our minutes by it and our hours; then our years and our generations. We catalog it, get caught in it and run from it. Yet, in essence, time is only the hash marks we use to organize ourselves and others as we move through life. Time helps us keep track of the “who” and the “what” and the “when” and the “how-long.”

The real markers, though, seem to be our bodies; they track time quietly or not so quietly. Those aches and pains, mirrors and reflections tell us that our “outside,” this vehicle that carries our souls, is beginning to change, to show the dents and the dings, the wear and the tear of our hours on earth. Yet inside, remarkably, resides the timeless soul-filled powerhouse that drives us; that derides and sanctions the actions or lack thereof that mark us as oh-so-very human. A wonder-aching child stands next to the crinkle-eyed adult; the saint and the sinner stand hand-caught within us as we peer out at the world.

The hourglass fills and empties. Life moves and stops. We count it all in tick-ding seconds, as we place ourselves somewhere on a continuum that society and culture give kudos or judgment to. “We should be doing this by now. We should have accomplished that by now. We are too youngfor this or too old for that.” Time on the run can be cruel, a harsh whip that strikes with too-little or too-much as it flays us and whistles its song in passing.

So, let’s remove time’s running shoes for a bit. Let’s put the clock down. Take out the battery or still the pendulum and rest in the moment; feel and celebrate in the breadth and reach of our heart-scanning. For therein lies the true delight of this living thing; therein resides the essence of the child or the sage that carries our souls at this moment. Stand quiet and know that this is life and it is at its most beautiful and at its most elegant here, right now.

Political correctness has made us communication cowards. When did causing a “difference of opinion” become something to fear and run from? When did putting the “truth” on the table for examination in the light of intelligent discourse become something verboten; something voiced in timid whispers, even among friends?

It is time to call a spade a spade, which is defined as, “to speak honestly and directly about a topic.” This phrase actually has its origin with Plutarch’s Apophthegmata Laconica (178 BC) and refers to a shovel, not the playing of (Oh, dear, what might some people think?) the “race” card.

I see us as a people cowering in our attempt to communicate. As we sift and catalog phrase and import of meaning, we now mouth meaningless platitudes and inanely bland rhetoric. We blather in oh-so-correct terminology, skirting issues and dreading answers because we are terrified of what someone might think. When did opinions become something that had to be palatable and acceptable to everyone?

We are so very “afraid to offend” races, religions, political parties and causes. We are terrified to stand out and stand up for what we think; or to ask questions about what is going on and how we are doing things. We might HURT SOMEONE’S FEELINGS!

Has it dawned on any of us that perhaps these people, these out-there-in-opinion-land someones might not have a leg to stand on? They might be too self-involved, think that everything is about them and have no range of vision beyond self-serving and self-importance. When did someone’s having a thin skin become a reason to tread lightly when truth and change and action need to be addressed and discussed?

We need dare to offend! We need to have opinions and share insights and ideas. We need to be brave and honest and put our concerns and questions out there. We need to have open and heartfelt discourse. We can no longer afford to sit quietly on the sidelines because, “It is really not politically correct to examine and discuss that.” And, in our attempt to offend no one, we have descended to communicating in a “politically correct” jargon that really says nothing and takes us nowhere.

Let’s tell it like it is; let’s be brave. Let’s start talking about things clearly and concisely, with thought-out and intelligent questions and answers played back and forth. Let’s start addressing issues that have weight and worthiness; that have impact on our lives and the future of where we are going as a culture and a world.  If we don’t discuss things, and risk offending someone, nothing will get done, nothing will change and we will continue as we are–stumbling around in “politically correct” mediocrity.

So, when asked for our opinion or thoughts, let’s tell the truth. Let’s call a spade a spade, shall we?